Frustration

Last week was long, I feel exhausted.  Now it looks like we will have a few more long months ahead of us.

Some how when I try to pray and ask God for help, I think of my son.  Even when my prayers are for something small, like looking for lost keys, I remember how hard it was to pray for what I really wanted.

I find myself going back to the same prayer of "please let Your will be done, but please let it not be this."  I don't want to go through trials or face hard times.  I want to keep healing, not face life just yet.

When I pray I can't beg God to do anything for me, because he has done so much.  Knowing how great His sacrifice was for me, how much He loves me, what else can I do but trust Him and pray for the patience to wait on Him.

So I struggle with prayer, with what I want and what I need, with knowing God is in control but that doesn't mean everything will be grand on this earth.  I pray for peace, for understanding, and for life to go as God sees fit.  And I try to remember that God hears my prayers even when He has to answer them, "no".