Life is for the living

I'm not going to lie, this has been a long hard week.  Memories felt fresh, pain felt strong. I ended up worn out and managed to make myself sick.

While on my own at night I watched a Korean Drama, they are my secret pleasure.  I usually pick ones that are light hearted comedies.  But this one I chose because of its sad story line.  Long story short (and Korean dramas tend to be long) the main character miscarries.  I wanted a reason to cry that wasn't my own.  I wanted to be sad but not about anything real.  So I watched and I cried.

Later in the episode another character offers comfort by saying, "being sad won't help the dead, it only makes those still alive suffer."  In many ways that is how I have treated my grief.  I tend to keep it to myself because I don't want those around me to feel burdened by it.  I want my daughters to be happy they had a brother, not to feel like they have to be sad.  I want to enjoy the time I spend with friends and family even on days I am in a funk.

My family has always dealt with life through humor so it seems fitting that we deal with death the same way.  Still I look forward to the new life without death, without sadness, without pain and for the days to come when I will be able to share all my emotions with those around me because they will all be joyful.