It's coming

James' birthday is just a few days away.  I feel the sad anticipation as we prepare to celebrate a brief happy moment.  I already am feeling nervous about how public to make my grief.

Whether to post on Facebook, or take a picture for Instagram.  Do I let people know at dance class why I am sitting in a corner crying.  

In some ways I want to share, he was so special, so loved, so remember. In some ways I want to stay silent, he was so little, so mine.

It was all so quick. One short week in October, four years ago.  That was all the time we had, but it was time filled with loved and joy as we got to meet our son.