A day off life

Yesterday I gave myself a day off.  I spent the entire day curled up in bed, half asleep.  I had a headache, I felt emotional, I didn't want to deal with anything.  So I stayed in my room, and was left alone.

But I didn't do it because I was giving up.  I knew it was only for a day.  It was a temporary break, so I could face the rest of the week.  I'm thankful for my husband who may not understand but allows me to hide away when I need to.  I am thankful for my daughters who deffinatly don't understand but will listen and obey.

Today I feel better.  Today I got out of bed.  I still had a headache, I still felt emotional, I still wanted to be away.  But I went to church, I smiled at people, I made dinner.  I even help with yard work rather than make excuses.  Because yesterday was my day off and it was only for one day.

It's coming

James' birthday is just a few days away.  I feel the sad anticipation as we prepare to celebrate a brief happy moment.  I already am feeling nervous about how public to make my grief.

Whether to post on Facebook, or take a picture for Instagram.  Do I let people know at dance class why I am sitting in a corner crying.  

In some ways I want to share, he was so special, so loved, so remember. In some ways I want to stay silent, he was so little, so mine.

It was all so quick. One short week in October, four years ago.  That was all the time we had, but it was time filled with loved and joy as we got to meet our son.