April 17, 2011

It's now been over six months since my son died, This week when i thought of him, what I remembered most was praying. At the hospital, after the nurse had come in to let us know what was going on. I laid my head on the table and wept. And I prayed.

My prayer seemed odd to me even at the time and looking back I wonder if others would respond the way I did. I prayed whole heartedly for God's will to be done. But I didn't really want that and I told Him so. I wanted my will, I wanted my son to be ok, it didn't matter to me what God's will was. But all I could ask of God was that His will would be done and that He would help us through. Even looking back I'm not sure if my faith was strong, relying on God, or if it was weak, unable to believe in even asking for a miracle.