This year I have posted less. But is it because I am less unhappy? I still struggle with family events, major holidays, change of any kind. I am taking college classes, I mostly enjoy them but the stress affects me differently than it used to. I'm working on lesson plans and goals with my children and I still worry constantly if I am making the right choices.
In many ways our lives have calmed down. We have more routine, less stress, fewer financial struggles. Yet I am on guard for disaster that could strike at any moment. I have nightmares where I loose everything important to me. When I wake up my first response it to make those things less important so loosing them won't hurt as much rather than to hold those things close while I still can.
My sister mentioned still not being happy since our day died. I began to wonder, "Am I happy? When was the last time I felt happy?" So as we welcome in the new year do I really expect it to be a happy one? No, this world is too broken to be a happy place. But we can still have joy in the gifts God has given us, the times He has shown us the happy place beyond this one. "Even so, come, Lord Jesus" Then perhaps the new year will be happy?
