It has been a long week. We had a big family picture with everyone. To me there was still someone missing but I know soon more will be missing and you can't forever be dwelling on those who are gone. Still it is a little hard to take family photos. It's also hard when the girls draw pictures of the family, they often include James "even though he is in Heaven." Of course they also draw themselves as two people because "daddy says they are enough trouble to be two kids." I know at some point their pictures will stop including him, and that it is normal, I will be sad when that day comes.
I also got to see a glimpse of how different my life would be with him. A toddler came to visit and I was amazed how un-baby proof my home had become. I'm so used to my big girls I didn't think about all the books just waiting to be pulled off the shelves or the lamp ready to topple. So many little ways children change your life, so many ways he's missing from mine.
By the end of the week I had worked a few long nights and was exhausted. All I wanted to do is curl up in a ball and wait for the world to go away. Somehow the world keeps spinning wether you want it to or not and eventually you have to get up and face it. At least I got a little rest and new strength to get through another week, I hope it is an easier one.
