Tomorrow is my birthday. I turn thirty-one. The last few years will always be remembered as the worst years of my life. Even this year seems to be pretty drab. How many times can people tell you, "We're praying for you" before it stops sounding encouraging and start to sound, "boy your life starks." I have some close friend who I know are praying out of love not pitty. I do appreciate that.
Last year I didn't really celebrate, just had dinner with family before crying myself to sleep. This year my birthday is on a sunday and I am spending it with people from the church.
It is hard not to compare last year and this year. I was trying to explain why even though things are not better, life seems to keep going.
It's as though I was in a room with no windows and someone suddenly turned off the light. At first I could see nothing. It didn't matter if there were other people around or not. The room was black andI felt completely disorientated. As time has passed my eyes have adjusted to the dim light. At first it was only those close by that I could see. Having my family close and wanting them to stay close. I started to remember where I was and what was going on before the light went away. Then you start to notice little lights, ones that were dim and unnoticeable with the bright light on. God's truth that had been over looked, or at least not the focus of my life, suddenly shone brighter than before. Time keeps passing and I keep adjusting to the darkness. Heaven shines brighter in the distance. I continually notice more and more in the dark room. But the room is still dark, the light is still off, the world I thought I knew still looks strange and the God I love shines brighter, so brights at times my eyes don't want to look.
Life never "goes back" to normal, where you are just becomes a new normal.
